Fei, I felt this on a deeper level cause I can relate. I started reading novels very early, and I could write and read properly before age 7. I still feel so much pressure and I'm literally afraid of failure... Not even personal failure, but fear of failing my family. What if I don't bring “light” into the family like they predicted since I was young?
There’s a certain flavor of exhaustion and grief that exists when you divest from your parents “hopes, dreams, and expectations, aspirations of climbing out of poverty” for us personally, even though we may not speak to our parents anymore, the exhaustion of the past emotional labor, guilt, and manipulation, and pain still lingers in our very marrow. Things we often still have to unlearn as a Nigerian trans person. When you can decide to be yourself and be happy in yourself, it’s a deciding to honor yourself, but honor every version of yourself that had to hide that you struggled, that you didn’t know everything, that you were wrong sometimes, that you made mistakes often, that you couldn’t be perfect OFTEN
And in all of this, the world didn’t shatter and crumble. You still stood tall…Shaky but tall nonetheless
We really resonated with this essay! Thank you for taking the time to write about this because we had so similar experiences. 💚💚💚
Fei, I felt this on a deeper level cause I can relate. I started reading novels very early, and I could write and read properly before age 7. I still feel so much pressure and I'm literally afraid of failure... Not even personal failure, but fear of failing my family. What if I don't bring “light” into the family like they predicted since I was young?
I love this piece ❤️
I completely understand you, but the best thing we can do for ourselves is to learn the art of not shouldering burdens that aren't meant for us.
I'm still learning this 💕
There’s a certain flavor of exhaustion and grief that exists when you divest from your parents “hopes, dreams, and expectations, aspirations of climbing out of poverty” for us personally, even though we may not speak to our parents anymore, the exhaustion of the past emotional labor, guilt, and manipulation, and pain still lingers in our very marrow. Things we often still have to unlearn as a Nigerian trans person. When you can decide to be yourself and be happy in yourself, it’s a deciding to honor yourself, but honor every version of yourself that had to hide that you struggled, that you didn’t know everything, that you were wrong sometimes, that you made mistakes often, that you couldn’t be perfect OFTEN
And in all of this, the world didn’t shatter and crumble. You still stood tall…Shaky but tall nonetheless
We really resonated with this essay! Thank you for taking the time to write about this because we had so similar experiences. 💚💚💚
Thank you for reading 🤍
This is very true…. And being the first child can make it tougher than it already seems
Shouldering the expectancy of the family isn't something that is talked about often, we are told to swallow their biddings and just do as told
Thank you for sharing this…. Maybe, just maybe, a time will come when all this will be looked into.
May we have the strength to push through