Make "making out" Fun Again.

No, I don’t wanna sleep with you.

A couple of weeks ago, I went on a date with a guy. A nice guy. An "okay" guy by all measures. And the date was great. Then he drove me back home and instead of the five second goodbye hug, we lingered back in his car, which was still parked in front of my parent's house. We talked for a bit and before I knew it, we started making out in his car.

I want to be clear that I was having a great time. It was fun, it was hot, it was the good kind of second-date chemistry that makes you feel like you didn't waste an evening. I was not thinking about anything except the current moment. Then he pulled back, looked at me, and said something like, "Can we get out of here?"

I blinked, thinking I misheard him. "Get out from here to where?"

He shrugged. "Maybe we could go somewhere and spend the night together."

Slow down nigga. First of all, we were still parked in front of my parent's house and this was literally just our second date. So I said; "I don't want to sleep with you. Why the hell would you think that?"

He looked genuinely befuddled and completely thrown off. Like he couldn't fathom my decision to not sleep with him. It's almost like he expected it. Like I broke some unwritten rule.

His argument was essentially: "But we were just making out? It was getting heated? Why wouldn't we take it further?"

Uhm, I don’t know. Maybe because this is our SECOND DATE?

Dating in this modern generation is weird. You spend just thirty seconds making out with someone, and their hands start to wander, eager to shove it under your skirt. And when you stop them, you're called a "cock tease," or "leading him on." Oh, I'm fucking sorry I just wanted to make out and go about the rest of my day.

Thinking making out should automatically lead to sex, sucks the joy out of it. Whatever happened to just... kissing? To the thrill of making out until your lips are sore, pulling your jacket back on, saying goodnight, and going home to sleep in your own bed?

To be fair to him, I don't think he was trying to pressure me or it was calculated. I think he honestly believed that we were supposed to move from dinner, car, kiss and sex. Which makes me even more pissed, because why the hell was I even attracted to someone like that in the first place?

I'd also like to note that I'm not anti-sex or faking some shitty purity shenanigans for the internet. I ghostwrite romance novels for a living and those are freaking detailed. I'm just saying you can kiss someone without thinking it should lead to sex. Now instead of just remembering "that was a great kiss," I'm remembering "that was a great kiss, and then he got weird about it."

I've heard enough stories from friends and I've been in a few stupid relationships with men who start to pressure you to sleep with them after the third date. They don't say it to your face. But they start to withdraw. They get quieter. They take ten business days to reply to your texts or return your calls. And during situations like this, I always ask : "are you in a relationship with me because you want to have sex with me or because you love me?"

I actually respect men who say from the get-go that they're just looking for something casual than those who waste your time by pretending to want a relationship with you. Overall, I just want to have a good make out sesh, without a nigga trying to make us have sex. Even better, if it's with a stranger.